used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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