If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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