I faked an abortion last night.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
