Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
