I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
