Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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