I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
