he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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