She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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