it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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