After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
