I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
