If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
