omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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