my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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