Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
