Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
