so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
