TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
