Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
