Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
