I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I am available for nakedness
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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