How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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