his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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