I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
