It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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