Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
