Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
