Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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