I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
