mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize