the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
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