Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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