hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
