Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
