i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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