I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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