careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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