it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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