what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
