I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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