A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think people are normalizing furries
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
