If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
