This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
