if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
