I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
