this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
