i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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