You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize