a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
