yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
