Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
