Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
