you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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