So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
