I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
