I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
