The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
