I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
