I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
