My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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