you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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