I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
