"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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