I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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