haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
