I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
