Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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