Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
