Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
