Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
