by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
