she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
