We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
