Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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