The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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