I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
