i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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