Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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