I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
