Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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