Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
