I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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