ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize