I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
