I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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