i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
