I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You had me at "let me see your balls"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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