He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
