I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
