I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
